13589 Influence
TOEFL Independent Writing Task
Essay Question: More Influence by Family or Friends?
Example Answer: Jeenn Lee Hsieh
谢振礼 ielts360toefl@hotmail.com
TOEFL TWE Prompt No. 114 (on list of 185):
Some people think that the family is the most important influence on young adults. Other people think that friends are the most important on young adults. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples (based on your knowledge or experience) to support your position.
Outline: 4 paragraphs
1>Introduction: Family over Friends in influencing young adults, particularly in two aspects= A) physical weight + B) psychological mood
2>Body A: Weight (physically, obese or not?)
3>Body B: Mood (psychologically, happy or not?)
4>Conclusion: Weight + Mood=family's Influence on young adults
Sample Essay (Jeenn Lee Hsieh):
In general, friends do not have so many ripple effects on us as young adults as do the family members. Interestingly, this is true if (on purpose) we ask ourselves, "are we overweight and are we unhappy?" Apart from other effects as a result of social interactions, it is arguable that the family, more than friends, that may most influence the weight and the mood of young people.
To begin with, when two out of three members of a family are overweight (for example), friends are of course not to blame but family members obviously are. Researchers have found out that, if one sibling became obese, the chance that another sibling would become obese increased by 50 percent. Among other explanations (including genetics) for our expanding waistlines, it is likely that we are what we eat--excessively large portions of calorie-dense prepared and processed foods. As well, speaking of the obese family as a whole, lack of exercise may play a role. Such being the case, it is clear that our family's influence on the physical health is greater than our friends'. In fact, friends come and go, and so they have little to do with our eating habits or physical activities.
Particularly for young adults, the state of being happy or not is spreading in the family environment before extending to the friendly circle. According to another study, happiness or unhappiness may come in part from positive attitudes or negative attitudes, respectively, demonstrated by certain other members of the family. Often beyond genetics, scientists found that, if one spouse became happy, the likelihood that the other spouse would become happy increased by 40 percent. Likewise, happier parents, brothers, and sisters tend to make other family members happier. However, there is no denying that the same psychological effects could be shared among real friends, too. It is exactly because there are friends who become our chosen family and who also influence our mood to some extent.
To sum up, for better or worse, young adults' weight and mood are largely the result of the influence of the family. As long as good physical fitness and psychological state are concerned, it is healthier for young adults that the family would become like friends and friends would become like the family. Nevertheless, strictly talking about the influence on young adults, the family is the most important. (Essay created by Jeenn Lee Hsieh 谢振礼 ielts360toefl@hotmail.com 通信讲座 改写作文 信箱答题)
