Learning English：谜语笑话
Edited by Jeenn Lee Hsieh
Examples: Jokes and Riddles
谢振礼：趣味英文举例
>"I am not impressed with technology until I can download food".
>"By the time a man realizes his father was right, he probably has a son who thinks he is wrong".
>"Dogs have masters. Cats have staff".
>"The best way to lie is to tell the truth...carefully edited truth".
>"A bargain is something you do not need at a price you cannot resist."
Examples of Jokes and Riddles
25>A depressed horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks him, "Why the long face?"
24>Weather forecast for tonight:
Dark.
23>Question: "How do you keep an idiot in suspense?"
Answer: "I will tell you later."
22>War does not determine who is right.
War determines who is left.
21>What are two things people never eat before breakfast?
Lunch and supper.
20>Is there a word in English that uses all vowels, including 'y'?
Unquestionably!
19>The man wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing".
The woman wrote: "Woman, without her, man is nothing".
18>What is the definition of a pessimist?
A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
17>Can you name three consecutive days without using the words--Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?
Yesterday, today, tomorrow.
16>There is a common English word that is 9 letters long. Each time you remove a letter from it, it still remains an English word--from 9 letters right down to one letter. What is the original word, and what are the words it becomes after removing one letter at a time?
Startling is the base word--starting, staring, string, sting, sing, sin, in, I.
15>What question can someone ask all day long, always gets completely different answers, and yet all the answers could be correct?
"What time is it?"
14>What begins with T and ends with T and has T (tea) in it?
A teapot.
13>What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES. There is a mile between the first and last letters.
12>What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumor (gossip)?
telegram
telephone
tell a woman
11>What starts with E and ends with E and only has one letter?
An envelope.
10>What happens if 'U' (you) and 'I' are gone?
Only 24 letters are left. (26 letters minus 2 letters=24 letters)
09>The first 3 years of marriage:
In the first year, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, both speak and the neighbors listen.
08>Mary's father has five daughters--Nana, Nini, Nene, Nono. What is the fifth daughter's name?
If you answered Nunu, you are wrong. It's Mary!
07>If I have it, I don't share it. If I share it, I don't have it. What is it?
A secret.
06>If an electric train is travelling south, which way is the smoke going?
There is no smoke. It's an electric train.
05>How many months of the year have 28 days?
All 12 months!
04>Mr. Blue lives in the blue house. Mr. Pink lives in the pink house. Mr. Brown lives in the brown house. Who lives in the white house?
The President of the United States.
03>Tuesday, Sam and Peter went to a restaurant to eat lunch. After eating lunch, they paid the bills. But Sam and Peter did not pay the bills, so who did?
Their friend, Tuesday.
02>Two fathers and two sons go on a fishing trip. They each catch a fish and bring it home. Why do they only bring 3 home?
The fishing trip consists of a grandfather, a father and a son.
01>What loses its head in the morning but gets it back at night?
A pillow.
